I think one of my biggest fears is that people might misunderstand my stories about K Pop stars. Because I write stories about K Pop stars being evil and I don’t want people to take it the wrong way, my teacher Mrs. G says “Oh, it’s only a fictional story.” I have my thoughts about it. I feel like a bad person for doing this because I love all the K Pop stars, I tend to overthink what people say and my mom tells me about being confident, anxiety, and overthinking all the time. For example, I overthink the weather and I obviously overthink my work (my writing, my stories, books I’ll potentially write) I get that it is common, but sometimes I wish that it would stop and my brain says something like “Go for it, do it.”
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I don’t like tornadoes and they’re really scary to me. I hate them and I’m like always so scared of them. My teacher is trying to help me and I don’t know what to do. I feel less safe at home and at school.
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Spending time with family and having fun. Doing my blog and it makes me connect with people because I don’t really talk to people. Playing with my stuffed animal babies and hugging them. Spending time with the people at my school is really amazing and I love it.
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I would like to say thank you to Mrs. Ortega for believing me and she’s really nice and kind. I would also like to thank Mrs. G for helping me calm down with fears I have. Not only with storms, but with my writing. I really appreciate her help/ support/ encouragement. I would like to thank Mrs. F for loving my writing and loving what I post on here.
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Today, I feel sunny with a few clouds. Clouds representing if I’m a good enough writer, because I don’t know if I could do anything without offending people if I were to create something based on real people. But other than that, I’m feeling quite happy.
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I’m so sorry for not telling you my name, I continue to think about that moment every day and it’s been messing with my mind lately. I wish I could’ve told you that I wanted to date you, honestly I wasn’t ready for dating or anything like that. December was the hardest time in my life regarding us when I was 16/17 when you first started talking to me, I felt angry for not having a boyfriend. I was crying so hard when I went home and I hated being anxious about having to be a girl with a boyfriend. The reason why I didn’t tell my name was because of anxiety. I think what would’ve happened when we were dating is that we would kiss each other and hold hands. I think that we would go on dates and then we make out, maybe. We would probably talk about possibly making it official. I think we would have gotten to know each other better. I feel like a bad person for letting you go and I am so sorry. I wish I would’ve said something, but I didn’t want to be awkward or embarrassed. I just hope you’re happy, I’m sorry about that day and nothing I can do about it will fix that. Nothing will fix how much sadness and pain I feel about you and that day. If I told you that I loved you back then, I think you would tease me and say I love you too. Sometimes I felt like a loser because I didn’t have a boyfriend or at least didn’t have you. I’m also sorry for ignoring your friend who supposedly had feelings for me, I thought he was joking around. That’s why I ignored him. Apparently, I can’t tell if he was joking or being serious. I’m picking the latter because the way you were yelling “What’s your name?” was serious.
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I actually like looking at the rain falling from the sky and I like watching horror movies. I like writing and watching crime stories.
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My happy place is my bedroom where I’m writing stories on my phone, it helps me with getting into the fantasy world and escape reality. I feel the happiest when I’m writing about whatever I want especially K Pop idols. I also love writing stories when it’s rainy.
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When it’s bedtime, I tend to go to sleep at like 2-3 am. I don’t think it’s that bad because I don’t really get tired that early/ easily at night. I would say that I’ve been sleeping good, not like horrible. But I think that the 2-3 am timeframe could worry my mom, but in my opinion I think it’s considered a good amount of sleep.
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I don’t like it when people talk bad about me especially when one time I got very upset at someone for calling me out on my quietness when I was at the dance like 1 or 2 years ago. It really hurts me and I didn’t want to return to the dance because of that.
I get really upset when I mess up, whether it’s editing or writing. I’m like “Why can’t I write this thing right?” Or “Why can’t I spell this correctly?” I know it’s normal but I get really angry about it.
